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When news broke that a prominent couple had been killed and their son, Nick Reiner, was a possible suspect, it brought addiction back into the national conversation. However, parents affected by a loved one’s addiction fear the discussion will focus on an exceedingly rare act of violence rather than the far more common dangers of the condition.

A Familiar Pain

Ron Grover and his wife, Darlene, have been watching the news. They only knew the Reiners professionally, yet they identify deeply: their own son also developed a dependency at 15 to painkillers and later illicit drugs, similar to Nick Reiner, and spent years in and out of rehabilitation and the legal system. After seven excruciating years, their son achieved sobriety in July 2010.

“It’s just devastating,” says Grover. “It tears you up, because that’s a family destroyed, just like so many other families we know whose loved ones succumbed to the disease of addiction.”

The Scope of the Crisis

More than two-thirds of Americans report their lives have been touched by addiction—whether through personal struggle, a relative’s dependency, housing instability from addiction, or an overdose leading to hospitalization or loss, according to 2023 data.

Approximately one in six Americans, or 48.4 million people, were living with a drug or alcohol addiction in 2024.

“This can happen to anybody, no matter how rich you are, no matter how poor you are, no matter how influential you are,” stated Grover.

Fear of Stigma

The Reiner story struck a chord with Greg, who leads a parent organization. “We talk a lot about how it’s a condition that affects the whole family,” Greg said. “It has a tremendous impact on others’ lives.”

However, he is worried that the tragic events will make people “deeply suspicious of anybody who’s struggles with having an addiction, and think that they could become violent at any point in time. And that’s simply inaccurate,” Greg noted.

These “are really important conversations to have, since addiction is so prevalent in the United States and the rates have consistently risen,” stated an academic researcher who studies addiction and the legal system. She pointed to the significant social prejudice surrounding addiction and mental health in the U.S., including the “perception of someone being really dangerous and the potential for causing violence.”

She also advised against jumping to conclusions about the reported involvement of the son or his state at the time, noting it is unclear whether drugs or mental health issues were recent factors.

“I’m afraid that people are going to take their stigmatization of addiction and substance use disorder, and create a narrative to try to explain what happened,” she said. “Because of his history, the first thing that everyone is talking about is his struggle.”

The Reality of Risk

While addiction can lead to erratic actions, and some substances may increase aggression, a violent crime like a double homicide is highly unusual.

“The huge majority of people with addiction or this illness do not ever show anything remotely close to aggression. It’s a real rarity,” the expert explained. “The actual reality is a person is significantly more likely to hurt themselves than anyone else.”

The Constant Anxiety

Both Greg and Grover have lived with dread—not directed at their sons, but about them.

“I’m afraid he’s going to be lost at some point,” Greg said. “If he relapses, it’s eventually going to kill him. That’s my greatest terror. And my other fear is just being cut off from him.” He described the painful decisions parents face, such as setting limits and sometimes making the “excruciating” choice that an adult child cannot live at home.

“Our fear then was, every single night you went to sleep, that you could get a phone call or that knock on the door telling you that he was gone forever,” said Grover. Those fears are present “every single day, every day of the year, for a parent.”

He recounted the harrowing calls: from the ER saying a son was not breathing; from prison, where a parent might justify behavior by thinking, “ ‘Well, at least he committed theft to support his habit; at least he wasn’t breaking into the neighbors’ houses.’”

Isolation and Judgment

Parents often battle isolation—questioning whether the addiction stemmed from some parental failure; feeling responsible for a child’s actions; and dreading the stigma directed at both parent and child.

It is extremely challenging to understand a family’s ordeal without having been through it, Greg noted. “With addiction, it can change on the spot. You could be content one day and in despair the next... It’s not uncommon for that to happen.”

The Path Forward

Data indicates about 75% of people with addiction are able to achieve recovery.

“Just as you can get over any other type of illness, you can get over this condition, too. You can heal and be productive,” said Grover. “If you work at it and you stumble, you get up and try again.”

Today, his son is a married with children, holds a university education, and works as a skilled tradesperson. Grover reflected on his struggle to “fix” his son, realizing it wasn’t possible.

“I can drag him into recovery if I want to, but if he doesn’t reach for my hand for help, it’s not going to work,” he said.

Yet, they always told him they cared for him and had faith in him.

“I tell any parent or anybody else that’s supporting someone addicted to drugs: make sure your hand is always, always extended, because you never know when they’ll reach out and take it.”