These Advice given by A Father Which Saved Us during my time as a First-Time Father

"I believe I was simply in survival mode for the first year."

One-time reality TV cast member Ryan Libbey expected to manage the difficulties of fatherhood.

Yet the reality soon became "very different" to what he pictured.

Serious health issues surrounding the birth resulted in his partner Louise admitted to hospital. Suddenly he was forced into acting as her chief support while also caring for their infant son Leo.

"I took on each nighttime feed, every nappy change… every stroll. The role of mother and father," Ryan stated.

After eleven months he burnt out. It was a talk with his father, on a bench in the park, that made him realise he required support.

The straightforward statement "You aren't in a good spot. You require assistance. How can I assist you?" created an opening for Ryan to express himself truthfully, look for assistance and start recovering.

His situation is far from unique, but rarely discussed. While the public is now more comfortable discussing the strain on mothers and about PND, far less attention is paid about the struggles dads go through.

Asking for help is not weak to request support'

Ryan thinks his difficulties are linked to a larger inability to open up among men, who often absorb harmful ideas of manhood.

Men, he says, often feel they must be "the fortress that just gets hit and stays upright every time."

"It is not a sign of weakness to seek help. I was too slow to do that fast enough," he adds.

Clinical psychologist Dr Jill Domoney, a specialist who studies mental health surrounding childbirth, notes men can be reluctant to acknowledge they're finding things difficult.

They can feel they are "not a legitimate person to be requesting help" - especially in front of a mother and child - but she stresses their mental state is just as important to the household.

Ryan's chat with his dad provided him with the space to request a break - taking a short trip abroad, separate from the family home, to see things clearly.

He came to see he had to make a change to consider his and his partner's emotions in addition to the practical tasks of looking after a infant.

When he shared with Louise, he discovered he'd missed "what she longed for" -holding her hand and paying attention to her words.

'Parenting yourself

That realisation has reshaped how Ryan perceives fatherhood.

He's now composing Leo letters each week about his experiences as a dad, which he hopes his son will look at as he gets older.

Ryan believes these will enable his son to more fully comprehend the language of emotional life and understand his approach to fatherhood.

The idea of "reparenting" is something artist Professor Green - also known as Stephen Manderson - has also strongly identified with since becoming a dad to his son Slimane, who is now four.

As a child Stephen lacked reliable male guidance. Despite having an "wonderful" relationship with his dad, profound difficult experiences meant his father had difficulty managing and was "present intermittently" of his life, making difficult their connection.

Stephen says suppressing emotions caused him to make "bad actions" when younger to alter how he felt, seeking comfort in substance use as an escape from the hurt.

"You gravitate to things that don't help," he notes. "They can short-term modify how you feel, but they will eventually exacerbate the problem."

Tips for Coping as a New Dad

• Share with someone - when you are swamped, tell a trusted person, your partner or a professional what you're going through. This can to ease the pressure and make you feel less isolated.
• Maintain your passions - make time for the pursuits that allowed you to feel like yourself before becoming a parent. This might be playing sport, socialising or a favourite hobby.
• Pay attention to the body - nutritious food, physical activity and when you can, getting some sleep, all contribute in how your emotional health is coping.
• Connect with other parents in the same boat - hearing about their experiences, the messy ones, along with the joys, can help to put into perspective how you're feeling.
• Remember that asking for help isn't failing - taking care of yourself is the best way you can look after your loved ones.

When his father later died by suicide, Stephen understandably struggled to accept the passing, having had no contact with him for many years.

As a dad now, Stephen's determined not to "continue the chain" with his own son and instead provide the safety and nurturing he did not receive.

When his son is about to have a meltdown, for example, they practise "shaking the feelings out" together - processing the feelings in a healthy way.

The two men Ryan and Stephen say they have become improved and more well-rounded men since they acknowledged their struggles, altered how they express themselves, and learned to manage themselves for their children.

"I am now more capable of… processing things and managing things," says Stephen.

"I wrote that in a note to Leo the other week," Ryan adds. "I expressed, at times I think my job is to teach and advise you on life, but actually, it's a dialogue. I am understanding as much as you are through this experience."